Alright, if you know me, you know how much I absolutely love Ellen DeGeneres. This little boy, Kai, has been on her show a couple of times, and he always sings a song by Bruno Mars. I recently saw this, and it melted my heart. Try telling me this isn't the cutest thing ever! Hope you enjoy!
Made you smile, didn't it?!
Hope your day is as awesome as this video is! See you next time!
xo, Taylor
Friday, January 23, 2015
My Thoughts on Therapy
HEY GUESS WHAT. I have another serious blog post for y'all! HOW EXCITING?!
Okay, well, I promise this won't be as long as the past two! But it's something I think nicely follows my last post, so here we go!
I think a lot of people have a misconception about therapy. I know that I used to think that it was for "crazy" people who had some sort of psychological disorder, and who wasn't mentally strong enough to figure their problems out themselves. I have learned that this is not the case.
The woman (lifesaver) I was referring to in my last post was a woman we shall refer to as AL. I first contacted her at the end of my freshman year of college, because I was struggling with my grades and she was listed underneath the "Academic Support" tab. I set up an appointment, expecting it to be a quick session about how to improve my studying habits and work ethic. What I found, however, was that it was a therapy session.
It caught me off guard at first because it was something I never thought that I would do. But it didn't take me long to settle in, and I found that talking to AL came naturally to me. After the first session and her wise words, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. This appointment came at the very end of the semester, so I was only able to meet with her once before the summer. I took her business card, however, and promised I'd e-mail her if I felt the need to meet in the future.
I kept this promise at the beginning of my sophomore year when I was going through a really tough time as I struggled with anxiety and depression. I e-mailed her and we set up a day and time where we met once a week for the entirety of my first semester. In these sessions, AL helped me in more ways than I can begin to explain, She helped me through one of the absolute toughest times of my life, and was always willing to listen to anything and everything I had to say. Her advice resonates with me, and I find myself replaying different parts of my sessions in my head in order to make it through certain struggles I face.
The stigma around therapy that suggests asking for help means you're weak is completely false. If anything, asking for help means that you're strong because it's not an easy step to take. I recommend it to everyone, at least once, because it's a liberating feeling to be able to say whatever you want and not have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. It has helped me profoundly in so many ways, and I'm grateful each and every day that I accidentally walked into her office at the end of my freshman year.
For AL, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over. You have helped me more than you know, and I am so grateful for that.
And for any of you out there who are going through a tough time, I know therapy isn't for everyone, but it may be worth looking into. I know it's scary, but you're not crazy. You're not weak, and you're not wrong for wanting to talk to someone. You're strong, and you're worth it.
I hope you enjoyed this post. Sort of rambling, but I just wanted to put this thought out there! I'll try and make the next few posts upbeat, rather than super long and (hopefully-not-too) boring. Thank you so much for reading, and let me know if there's anything you'd like me to talk about!
You're all the greatest, and I wish you all of the happiness in the world. See you next time!
xo, Taylor
Anxiety & Depression: My Story
Hey everyone. So, ironically enough, this is a post that I have been sort of anxious to write. This is mainly because it is something that is really personal to me, and something that affects me on a day-to-day basis. I know I'm not the only one out there who suffers with the same disorder(s), and I hope that by telling my story, I can help any of you out there who feel/have felt the same way I do.
I also want to preface this by saying that in my experience, I have found that there is difference between people who feel anxiety over a certain event, and people who live with anxiety. For example, if you have a public speaking presentation, you may feel anxious leading up to the occasion. In most cases, after this certain stressor is over with, you go back to feeling "normal". For people who live with anxiety, like myself, anxiety is a constant feeling that doesn't go away, and you never truly feel "normal". Now, this is not to downplay or speak down about the people who feel anxiety over certain things, I just wanted to clarify the difference, because many do not realize there is one. Everyone has the right to feel how they feel, and there is no right or wrong. Also, I understand that my experience may be different from how other people feel, so I don't want to give off the impression that this is the only way people experience anxiety. This is just my experience.
I also want to preface this by saying that in my experience, I have found that there is difference between people who feel anxiety over a certain event, and people who live with anxiety. For example, if you have a public speaking presentation, you may feel anxious leading up to the occasion. In most cases, after this certain stressor is over with, you go back to feeling "normal". For people who live with anxiety, like myself, anxiety is a constant feeling that doesn't go away, and you never truly feel "normal". Now, this is not to downplay or speak down about the people who feel anxiety over certain things, I just wanted to clarify the difference, because many do not realize there is one. Everyone has the right to feel how they feel, and there is no right or wrong. Also, I understand that my experience may be different from how other people feel, so I don't want to give off the impression that this is the only way people experience anxiety. This is just my experience.
This is one of the most accurate pictures I have seen that illustrate what it feels like to live with/have anxiety and/or depression. It's not something that appears right away. It starts out small; a little voice in the back of your mind, or a twinge of sickness in your stomach. For many of us, we disregard this as a bad mood, or a passing feeling, But as the days progress, the feeling grows stronger, and stronger. What was once a small feeling is now something you have to consciously try not to think about. It's this aching feeling that gnaws and your mind and body, exhausting every part of you until you feel like you're going to lose your mind. As the feeling grows stronger, it begins to consume you and the feeling of anxiety is all that you know. Nothing feels right, or "normal" and everything feels like the end of the world.
I have found that there is a logical side of viewing the world, and the world I see when I have anxiety. Logically, I know that if I get an 89 on a paper, it is not the end of the world. Anxiously, I feel that, because of this 89, I am not going to get the GPA I need to keep my grant at school, and that I'm not fit to be an English teacher because I can't even write a paper. Many people who don't live with this way of thinking can't understand why something so simple can be blown so out of proportion, and they sometimes think that the person with anxiety is just being dramatic. It's definitely difficult to understand this train of thought, but its not a choice that most people with anxiety have control over.
I can't point to the exact time in my life when my anxiety began, but here is some of what I remember. My parents divorced when I was 8 years old, and I remember being told I was spending a weekend with my father at his house, which was pretty far from my house. From the moment I was told about this trip, until the moment I got to his house, I remember feeling an intensely nervous feeling in my stomach. This, I believe, was around the time of the beginning of my anxiety.
Fast forward to my seventh grade year. I had lots of friends and my seventh grade boyfriend ('cause who doesn't love 12-year-old relationships?!) and everything was wonderful. Except for the fact that there was always this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't quite understand or explain. I vividly remember a period of time that it was particularly brutal. For whatever reason, I was absolutely terrified to go anywhere. Whether it was my two best friends at the time wanting to go to the mall, or the movies, or my sisters wanting to go to the store, etc., I could not go anywhere without getting sick first. (TMI, I know, but go big or go home with the story telling, am I right?) After that, I was able to muster up the ability to leave, but that always happened first. I can also remember sleeping a lot. Looking back, maybe that was me trying to escape from the feeling that haunted me every second I was awake. It got to the point where, when I was at my friend's house, I couldn't really eat because I felt so sick from the anxiety. This persisted on for a while, but I'm grateful I got over that part of my anxiety (at least for a little while). I continued to be anxious to hang out with people, or to go places well into my eighth grade year. I was always fine once I got where I was going, but the days, hours, and minutes leading up to it were excruciating.
By the end of tenth grade, everything was feeling back to normal. I had just gotten out of an extremely unhealthy relationship (in which I learned what an anxiety attack was, because I had them quite frequently), and I felt really good about my life and where I was. In July, I was flying out to spend time with my sister, brother-in-law and my nephew in Colorado and I was super excited about the trip. But as the date was approaching, that familiar feeling found me once again. This was the first time I said aloud to my mom, "I think I feel anxious." While this is not an uncommon thing for people to say, it was the first time I could identify exactly what I was feeling. This time, however, it only lasted once I got onto the plane, and then I was fine. This made me think that I had finally gotten it under control.
To keep from dragging on for too long, I'll bring you to my freshman year of college. As I had mentioned in my last post, I did not have any friends or a place I felt that I belonged, so I basically weathered my freshman year alone. I did what I had to do, but it felt like I was living life just going through the motions. By my second semester, I was in the biggest slump. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to go to school. I didn't want to go to work. I didn't want to go out anywhere. I wanted to lay in bed all day and sleep and forget. I was overwhelmed with school and my grades were slipping (something that has never happened to me before) and I was slipping into a depression that would continue for a little while after that. It was dark and lonely, and the anxiety was all that I knew. Because of my grades, I had contacted a woman at school that was listed under the tab, "Academic Support." I thought this woman would help me figure out what I was doing wrong academically, and who would gives me tips on how to improve my work ethic. It turns out that it was something completely different, but I'm grateful every day that I e-mailed this woman. (I'll tell you more about her in my next post. Ooh, cliffhanger!)
The summer after my freshman year wasn't the best. It was filled with a lot of hurt and anxiety which ultimately led to the beginning of my sophomore year of college (don't worry, you're almost done reading! I'm so thankful that you're still with me!) Right before school began, my family received devastating news about my grandmother that absolutely turned my world upside down. This news, paired with my terrible summer and the new school year, lead to the worst bout of anxiety and depression I have faced thus far. Every day, I felt sick. I can remember crying in my car on the way to school, the way home from school, on the way to work, on the way home from work, when I was home alone and when I was laying in bed. I sometimes would sit in the parking lot of the local convenient store, or once I had to take a trip to a museum for school, and I remember feeling so alone because the people I was supposed to meet there ditched me, and I sat in the parking lot and cried. This isn't something I'm necessarily proud of, or that I like to admit because those were times filled with a lot of pain and agony, but I think it's necessary to share the rawest parts of my experience in order to reach some of you some way that have been through something similar. I couldn't eat, sleep or focus. My body was shutting down to the point where it was actually terrifying. Some said that it was all in my head, and that the only reason I felt this way was because I let my mind get too strong, which hurt me because I knew it wasn't like that and that it wasn't my choice. This is not me playing the victim, it was simply the reality.
It felt like I was constantly being hit over the head and in the stomach with a sledge hammer simultaneously, day in and day out. I would go to bed at 3 in the morning, then wake up at 5 a.m, so sick to my stomach with anxiety that I couldn't get back to sleep. I would sit up immediately and try and begin my day in attempt to push the anxiety and depression away. This is something, I learned, that only makes it worse because anxiety and depression demand to be felt. The longer you try and avoid it and try not to feel it, the stronger it gets. It got to the point where I would wake up shaking, with my heart racing and my body cold in the early days of September.
I felt alone and scared, and I was so tired of feeling that way. I remembered the woman I had e-mailed, and I decided that it was time to e-mail her again. I think this is one of the best decisions I have made in my life. She told me that anxiety and depression usually accompany one another when the anxiety gets too strong, and it can become really dangerous. So, I'm thankful I sought her out when I did, because I was well on my way down that path. Thanks to her, I have come a long way from crying in my car. I don't feel so trapped and scared, but I'm still working through it every day.
To this day, I have anxiety over speaking in front of people (weird, because I want to be a teacher), and I absolutely hate it because when I get anxious, my chest gets all red and blotchy, so I constantly have to wear high collared shirts, and scarves because it's super embarrassing. (does that happen to any of you or is my body just super weird?!) But I don't feel my anxiety as strongly as I used to at every given moment, and that, to me, is a small triumph after what I went through previously. It's all a work in progress, but I'm proud of where I am at this moment, though it's not exactly where I want to be.
I also want to say that I'm grateful for my family and my boyfriend for giving me a million reasons to smile in my darkest times. I love you all more than words, you will never know how much you've helped me (knowingly or not).
To those of you who are still reading, thank you. I know this was long, but I hope you learned something from it. If you struggle with anxiety, I hope you see that you're not alone and that it can get better. If you don't struggle with anxiety as much, I hope this gave you a little insight or was informative in some way. I'm thinking of doing a quick post about what I've learned to be some helpful ways to deal with anxiety/depression, so if you'd like me to write about that, let me know!
I appreciate all of you who take the time to read my blog. I say this in every post because I truly mean it and I don't ever want you to forget that. You are the greatest, thank you for all of your support. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope to see you next time!
xo, Taylor
I have found that there is a logical side of viewing the world, and the world I see when I have anxiety. Logically, I know that if I get an 89 on a paper, it is not the end of the world. Anxiously, I feel that, because of this 89, I am not going to get the GPA I need to keep my grant at school, and that I'm not fit to be an English teacher because I can't even write a paper. Many people who don't live with this way of thinking can't understand why something so simple can be blown so out of proportion, and they sometimes think that the person with anxiety is just being dramatic. It's definitely difficult to understand this train of thought, but its not a choice that most people with anxiety have control over.
I can't point to the exact time in my life when my anxiety began, but here is some of what I remember. My parents divorced when I was 8 years old, and I remember being told I was spending a weekend with my father at his house, which was pretty far from my house. From the moment I was told about this trip, until the moment I got to his house, I remember feeling an intensely nervous feeling in my stomach. This, I believe, was around the time of the beginning of my anxiety.
Fast forward to my seventh grade year. I had lots of friends and my seventh grade boyfriend ('cause who doesn't love 12-year-old relationships?!) and everything was wonderful. Except for the fact that there was always this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't quite understand or explain. I vividly remember a period of time that it was particularly brutal. For whatever reason, I was absolutely terrified to go anywhere. Whether it was my two best friends at the time wanting to go to the mall, or the movies, or my sisters wanting to go to the store, etc., I could not go anywhere without getting sick first. (TMI, I know, but go big or go home with the story telling, am I right?) After that, I was able to muster up the ability to leave, but that always happened first. I can also remember sleeping a lot. Looking back, maybe that was me trying to escape from the feeling that haunted me every second I was awake. It got to the point where, when I was at my friend's house, I couldn't really eat because I felt so sick from the anxiety. This persisted on for a while, but I'm grateful I got over that part of my anxiety (at least for a little while). I continued to be anxious to hang out with people, or to go places well into my eighth grade year. I was always fine once I got where I was going, but the days, hours, and minutes leading up to it were excruciating.
By the end of tenth grade, everything was feeling back to normal. I had just gotten out of an extremely unhealthy relationship (in which I learned what an anxiety attack was, because I had them quite frequently), and I felt really good about my life and where I was. In July, I was flying out to spend time with my sister, brother-in-law and my nephew in Colorado and I was super excited about the trip. But as the date was approaching, that familiar feeling found me once again. This was the first time I said aloud to my mom, "I think I feel anxious." While this is not an uncommon thing for people to say, it was the first time I could identify exactly what I was feeling. This time, however, it only lasted once I got onto the plane, and then I was fine. This made me think that I had finally gotten it under control.
To keep from dragging on for too long, I'll bring you to my freshman year of college. As I had mentioned in my last post, I did not have any friends or a place I felt that I belonged, so I basically weathered my freshman year alone. I did what I had to do, but it felt like I was living life just going through the motions. By my second semester, I was in the biggest slump. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to go to school. I didn't want to go to work. I didn't want to go out anywhere. I wanted to lay in bed all day and sleep and forget. I was overwhelmed with school and my grades were slipping (something that has never happened to me before) and I was slipping into a depression that would continue for a little while after that. It was dark and lonely, and the anxiety was all that I knew. Because of my grades, I had contacted a woman at school that was listed under the tab, "Academic Support." I thought this woman would help me figure out what I was doing wrong academically, and who would gives me tips on how to improve my work ethic. It turns out that it was something completely different, but I'm grateful every day that I e-mailed this woman. (I'll tell you more about her in my next post. Ooh, cliffhanger!)
The summer after my freshman year wasn't the best. It was filled with a lot of hurt and anxiety which ultimately led to the beginning of my sophomore year of college (don't worry, you're almost done reading! I'm so thankful that you're still with me!) Right before school began, my family received devastating news about my grandmother that absolutely turned my world upside down. This news, paired with my terrible summer and the new school year, lead to the worst bout of anxiety and depression I have faced thus far. Every day, I felt sick. I can remember crying in my car on the way to school, the way home from school, on the way to work, on the way home from work, when I was home alone and when I was laying in bed. I sometimes would sit in the parking lot of the local convenient store, or once I had to take a trip to a museum for school, and I remember feeling so alone because the people I was supposed to meet there ditched me, and I sat in the parking lot and cried. This isn't something I'm necessarily proud of, or that I like to admit because those were times filled with a lot of pain and agony, but I think it's necessary to share the rawest parts of my experience in order to reach some of you some way that have been through something similar. I couldn't eat, sleep or focus. My body was shutting down to the point where it was actually terrifying. Some said that it was all in my head, and that the only reason I felt this way was because I let my mind get too strong, which hurt me because I knew it wasn't like that and that it wasn't my choice. This is not me playing the victim, it was simply the reality.
It felt like I was constantly being hit over the head and in the stomach with a sledge hammer simultaneously, day in and day out. I would go to bed at 3 in the morning, then wake up at 5 a.m, so sick to my stomach with anxiety that I couldn't get back to sleep. I would sit up immediately and try and begin my day in attempt to push the anxiety and depression away. This is something, I learned, that only makes it worse because anxiety and depression demand to be felt. The longer you try and avoid it and try not to feel it, the stronger it gets. It got to the point where I would wake up shaking, with my heart racing and my body cold in the early days of September.
I felt alone and scared, and I was so tired of feeling that way. I remembered the woman I had e-mailed, and I decided that it was time to e-mail her again. I think this is one of the best decisions I have made in my life. She told me that anxiety and depression usually accompany one another when the anxiety gets too strong, and it can become really dangerous. So, I'm thankful I sought her out when I did, because I was well on my way down that path. Thanks to her, I have come a long way from crying in my car. I don't feel so trapped and scared, but I'm still working through it every day.
To this day, I have anxiety over speaking in front of people (weird, because I want to be a teacher), and I absolutely hate it because when I get anxious, my chest gets all red and blotchy, so I constantly have to wear high collared shirts, and scarves because it's super embarrassing. (does that happen to any of you or is my body just super weird?!) But I don't feel my anxiety as strongly as I used to at every given moment, and that, to me, is a small triumph after what I went through previously. It's all a work in progress, but I'm proud of where I am at this moment, though it's not exactly where I want to be.
I also want to say that I'm grateful for my family and my boyfriend for giving me a million reasons to smile in my darkest times. I love you all more than words, you will never know how much you've helped me (knowingly or not).
To those of you who are still reading, thank you. I know this was long, but I hope you learned something from it. If you struggle with anxiety, I hope you see that you're not alone and that it can get better. If you don't struggle with anxiety as much, I hope this gave you a little insight or was informative in some way. I'm thinking of doing a quick post about what I've learned to be some helpful ways to deal with anxiety/depression, so if you'd like me to write about that, let me know!
I appreciate all of you who take the time to read my blog. I say this in every post because I truly mean it and I don't ever want you to forget that. You are the greatest, thank you for all of your support. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope to see you next time!
xo, Taylor
Monday, January 5, 2015
Losing Friends and Feeling Alone (WARNING: A really long and rambling passage)
Hey everyone!
By letting the feeling of loneliness consume me, I have lost myself and the true essence of who I am. Perhaps that realization hurts worse than the loneliness itself. As I mentioned before, there was a variety of other factors that contributed to me feeling alone (heartbreak, loss, divorce, fights and anxiety/depression) that I will mention as this blog continues, but I find that the loss of friends is one of the main reasons that I have found it hard to overcome this feeling.
I guess I'm writing this to finally stop evading my truth. I'm tired of running from a feeling that has lurked in the depths of my subconscious for longer than I care to remember. If you're still reading this and you've gone through something similar, I hope that you can see that others go through the same feeling and that you're never truly alone (no matter how much it may seem that way). Feeling alone is something that I've let control me for so long, and I'm finally ready to break free from it's hold on me.
That is a large part of the reason I'm writing this blog. I'm finally taking the step to put myself out there and share all of my truths with any of you who care to read them. I hope that it will show you that other people go through situations similar to what you have gone/are going through and hopefully it will make you feel less alone, because I know how terrible and daunting that feeling can be.
I'm sorry that this is so long, and if you're still reading this then A++++. You are the greatest. This blog has helped me in more ways than one and it's barely even begun. Thanks to all of you who have read my blog and who have shown me support, I'm beginning to see that I'm not so alone after all. You will never know how grateful I am for your Facebook comments, or that you actually take time out of your day to read what I have to say. I know this wasn't uplifting or happy, but I hope that you enjoyed reading (not that you would enjoy reading something like this, but you know what I mean.)
Thank you so much for reading, and I will talk to you next time.
xo, Taylor
I hope these first few days of 2015 have been good to you and that getting back into the swing of things with work and school hasn't been too difficult.
As I sit here attempting to write this post, I realize how personal and sensitive this topic is for me. The perfect way to begin this is eluding me, so bear with me as I clumsily make my way through my own thoughts and feelings that I desperately try to evade in my day-to-day life. This is not a sob story, nor is it a pity party. This is just me sharing my experience in hopes to connect with you in some way, to hopefully cure some of this hurt for me and maybe make some kind of difference for the both of us.
I was fortunate enough to be born into a large family who have loved and cared for me since the very beginning. For that, I'm grateful and I find solace in knowing that I am never truly alone. But as most of us know, not even being surrounded by a large group of people can keep the lonely darkness from sometimes creeping into your mind. This loneliness knows no race, economic status, familial background or lifestyle. Whether it be in the late night thoughts that keep you up at night, or in that looming feeling that you just can't seem to do anything right, we have all felt alone.
When I was in middle school, I had more friends than I knew what to do with. I was an obnoxiously loud and crazy preteen who found absolutely everything funny. I had a couple of really close friends with whom I shared absolutely everything. I remember thinking about high school and feeling as if there was nothing to worry about because I would have all of my friends with me to make the transition as seamless as possible. My final year of middle school was gradually coming to an end and as I walked into my eighth grade graduation ceremony surrounded by the abundance of friends I had made over the previous three years, I remember feeling like that was only the beginning of various lifelong friendships. Needless to say, I was wrong. After that day, I found myself without anyone to hang out with or talk to. It was as if I had been forgotten by all of my former classmates, and even worse, my closest friends. Coming to the slow realization that I had not been mistakenly forgotten, but rather intentionally forgotten was not an easy one for me, and that's when the loneliness began.
My birthday that year, which falls at the end of August, is one I try to forget. I remember receiving maybe three "happy birthday" text messages, which differed greatly from previous years where friends would greet me as soon as I stepped off of the school bus with hugs, balloons and birthday cards. Fast forward to my first year of high school, and I can vividly remember walking into the big, foreign school with no friends, still trying to figure out what I had done to make all of my friends disappear. Over the course of my high school career, I gained some friends and lost some friends, as most do. But I never truly regained a best friend, which I have always found much more important than having a number of good friends. Leaving high school, I found myself in the same position I was in when I left middle school, and to be frank, it sucked.
Losing friends paired with a variety of other life events that occurred during the time slowly turned that crazy obnoxious preteen into a much quieter and less confident teenager. I still struggle with that today; feeling like I never truly fit in anywhere and always worried about what people think of me. Feeling alone has been something I've struggled with for five years now, and to this day, I wonder what's so wrong with me that I can't seem to find a best friend or what I do to keep people from wanting to be around me. It's definitely not the best feeling, and it's something that has caused me to lose a large portion of my confidence, ability to talk in front of people and my will to put myself out there. Loneliness is a dark and scary feeling and I've let it consume me more than once.
SIDENOTE: I would like to say that I understand that people grow apart, especially in their teens, and that I have absolutely no ill will towards the people I was friends with in the past. Everyone has their own reasons for their decisions, and I respect those decisions fully. I used to wish I had a reason as to why all of this happened, but I know that that is something that I must resolve within myself. I'm grateful for all of the memories I made with those of whom I was friends with, and I truly wish them the best.
By letting the feeling of loneliness consume me, I have lost myself and the true essence of who I am. Perhaps that realization hurts worse than the loneliness itself. As I mentioned before, there was a variety of other factors that contributed to me feeling alone (heartbreak, loss, divorce, fights and anxiety/depression) that I will mention as this blog continues, but I find that the loss of friends is one of the main reasons that I have found it hard to overcome this feeling.
I guess I'm writing this to finally stop evading my truth. I'm tired of running from a feeling that has lurked in the depths of my subconscious for longer than I care to remember. If you're still reading this and you've gone through something similar, I hope that you can see that others go through the same feeling and that you're never truly alone (no matter how much it may seem that way). Feeling alone is something that I've let control me for so long, and I'm finally ready to break free from it's hold on me.
That is a large part of the reason I'm writing this blog. I'm finally taking the step to put myself out there and share all of my truths with any of you who care to read them. I hope that it will show you that other people go through situations similar to what you have gone/are going through and hopefully it will make you feel less alone, because I know how terrible and daunting that feeling can be.
I'm sorry that this is so long, and if you're still reading this then A++++. You are the greatest. This blog has helped me in more ways than one and it's barely even begun. Thanks to all of you who have read my blog and who have shown me support, I'm beginning to see that I'm not so alone after all. You will never know how grateful I am for your Facebook comments, or that you actually take time out of your day to read what I have to say. I know this wasn't uplifting or happy, but I hope that you enjoyed reading (not that you would enjoy reading something like this, but you know what I mean.)
Thank you so much for reading, and I will talk to you next time.
xo, Taylor
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Setting Goals and Keeping Them
Hey, everyone!
First of all, I AM SO EXCITED. I timidly posted the first ever link to my blog last night, expecting it to go completely unnoticed and I woke up to an outpouring of love and support. I cannot believe that people actually want to read what I have to say, but I am no less than ecstatic and extremely grateful that you do. So, thank YOU (yes, you reading this right now), you are the absolute best.
Next things next, since my last blog post was about resolutions, I figure that a post about how to create and keep goals would be the most logical next step. Now, I am not a lifestyle guru, nor have I completely nailed this concept in the past, but hopefully you find some of these tips helpful as you pursue your goals in 2015.
Setting goals, both big and small, is super important because it gives you both a sense of direction and something to work towards. The reason why New Years Resolutions, or goals in general, can sometimes be daunting is because many of us believe that when we set a goal, it must be one of utmost importance. This, however, is not always true. Goals can be something as big as making it into your dream college, saving up to buy your first house, losing a substantial amount of weight or learning all of the dance moves to "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. They may also be something as simple as waking up at a certain time every day, keeping your room clean or vowing to wear jeans instead of sweat pants once a week (college students will understand why this goal is necessary.)
Whatever the goal may be, it is crucial that it is realistic and able to be achieved. I can't even count on both hands the amount of times I secretly told myself that I would become a beautiful princess who always had clean shaven legs and a clear complexion have set unrealistic goals for myself, only to be disappointed in myself when it didn't happen. There is a difference between setting yourself up for failure which, in turn, can make you feel kind of bad about yourself (and we don't want that) and challenging yourself. Learning that difference is essential to ensure that you have a productive and happy year.
Example:
Realistic: I'm going to live a more positive lifestyle by enrolling in yoga classes and YouTubing at least one cat video every day, you know, to achieve total zen.
Unrealistic: I'm going to start playing underwater extreme frisbee, make it to the Olympics, win gold medals in every category and marry every boy from One Direction. (Super unrealistic, but what a wonderful life that would be.)
As most of us know all too well, keeping goals is even harder than setting them. It seems all fine, well and good when you're laying in your bed at 3 a.m pondering the true meaning of life, telling yourself that this is finally your time to really motivate yourself and accomplish all that you've ever set out to do. But if you're anything like me, you'll know that as soon as your alarm goes off the next morning, you want to punch your 3 a.m self in the face for even planting the idea in your head.
In order to keep up with your goals, you might try writing little inspirational notes and sticking them in places you frequent the most so that the idea is always fresh in your mind. You may also try telling a close friend/family member or two about what you're setting out to do because that will make you feel as if you have no choice other than to do it, so they're not constantly nagging you. Also, don't think any step towards achieving your goal is too small. If you're working to lose weight and you lose 2 pounds, reward yourself with a mani/pedi or a day of relaxation. Motivation oftentimes comes from feeling good about what you're doing, so make sure to pat yourself on the back when you've made progress. Lastly, always look ahead. Picture yourself accomplishing the goal you've set for yourself and envision the happiness that will come of it. If you can keep your endgame in mind, it will be a continuous reminder that all of your hard work will pay off in the long run.
I know this post was a little lengthier than the others, but I hope some of these tips have been helpful and that you enjoyed it! If you have any more tips or tricks about how to set/keep goals, let me know in the comments below!
As aforementioned, your support means the absolute world to me. Thank you so much for reading and I wish you the best of luck with any and all goals you wish to achieve! (You can do it!)
xo, Taylor
New Years Resolutions 2015
New year, New me!
I've decided that I'm going to try and care less about what people think of me and care more about what I think of myself. I plan to address self-image, as well as certain personality traits I possess in later blog posts, but basically I'm a huge people-pleaser with low self-esteem. That horrible combination has led me to constantly search for others' approval for everything, and has ultimately made me feel as if I'm not in control of my own life.
No, I'm just kidding. But seriously, Happy New Year!
As we bring in 2015, we all take time to reflect on what we want to accomplish in the 365 days ahead. Mine is usually to increase the amount of pizza I can eat in one sitting, but this year, I've decided to dig a little deeper.
I've decided that I'm going to try and care less about what people think of me and care more about what I think of myself. I plan to address self-image, as well as certain personality traits I possess in later blog posts, but basically I'm a huge people-pleaser with low self-esteem. That horrible combination has led me to constantly search for others' approval for everything, and has ultimately made me feel as if I'm not in control of my own life.
This year, I want to find my own voice and stop searching desperately for approval of every decision I make. I've become so afraid to step out of my comfort zone or try new things out of fear of what others might think of me. This, I have found, is no way to live and I'm hoping 2015 will be the year I can finally change that. I will always strive to make others happy, but I also need to learn how to put myself first at times. Do you struggle with the same dilemma?
And, of course, living a healthier lifestyle and trying new things are also at the top of my to-do list (except chocolate is delicious and I love being boring).
WARNING: SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION AHEAD If you want to know what I think are the best ways to set and keep goals (new years resolutions, or otherwise) check back and read about it in the next blog post!
If any of you have gone through/are going through the same thing that I am and care to share any thoughts or advice, or if you want to share your New Years Resolutions, feel free to comment below and let me know what you think! Also, if you have any ideas about what you'd like me to address, you can leave those in the comments below, as well.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and I hope 2015 brings you all of the love, laughter and happiness in the world!
xo, Taylor
Friday, January 2, 2015
About Me
In a job interview I had last month, the first thing the interviewer said was, "So, tell me about yourself." You would think that no one is more qualified to answer that question than you, right? Wrong. I ended up spewing some useless information about where I go to school, what I'm studying to be, and where I've previously worked. Rather than listing all of the qualities I had recited a kazillion times in head (good with people, team-player, hard-working, etc.), I blabbered on like an idiot about the most random and absolutely pointless information about myself. I guess that's what makes this quintessential "About Me" post both daunting and hilarious. Let's see if this time around is a little more successful.
First things first, (did you follow this with, "I'm the realest"? I did) my name is Taylor and I'm an almost twenty-something college student from the currently freezing New England. I enjoy all things most people find boring such as reading, napping and hanging out in my pajamas with my younger sister. My crazy amazing family is the reason for my constant state of insanity best and without them, I have no idea where I'd be.
Okay, now that all of that boring stuff is out of the way...
I started this blog for a variety of reasons. One of the biggest being that I wanted to offer insight on my own life experiences, as well as other topics I feel strongly about in order to hopefully help whoever reads this in some way. Another reason is because I've always wanted to write a blog, but have never had the guts. Lastly, I want to be able to have a place to chronicle my journey through this crazy life, so that I can look back one day and laugh at my melodramatic self.
So, whoever you are and wherever you may be, thank you for taking the time to read this monotonous "About me." I hope you'll stick around and continue reading my (hopefully less boring) future blog posts, I would greatly appreciate it!
Again, thank you so much for reading and I'm wholeheartedly looking forward to sharing my thoughts and experiences with you!
xo, Taylor
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